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10 things absolutely everyone does after a breakup, not just you
ALL BY MYYYYSEEEELLLF, don’t wanna live all by myyyyseeelllf, anymooooore…
The stages of a breakup area always the same – people might tell you to get outside and enjoy yourself, but in reality there’s nothing better than a good wallow.
1. Eat absolute sh*te
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Pizza in bed! You might get a little garlic dip on the sheet, but who cares, right?
2. Consider writing a drippy Instagram/Facebook post
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NOW EVERYONE SHALL KNOW YOUR PAIN.
3. Go on one mad sesh that ends in tears*
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*The tears may be literal or figurative.
Your pals will toss a coin to see who has to bring you home, and no one will be happy about it.
4. Wake up from that mad sesh to discover the Inbox of Shame
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And the worst thing is – they haven’t replied. *prays for the sweet release of death*
5. Make a dodgy Spotify playlist filled with ballads
An eclectic mix of Mariah Carey, Bright Eyes, and Miley Cyrus. Just gonna stick that one on private.
6. Say you’ll “show them”
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You’re gonna prove to them that you’re over it! (You’re not over it.)
7. Get an ill-advised haircut/start growing a beard
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Look at you. You’re showing them.
8. Block, then unblock, then block your ex again
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It just seems so drastic. But essential! But drastic.
9. Interrupt normal conversations with “But can you just BELIEVE that?”
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You can’t stop talking about them for two seconds. Congratulations, you’ve become the worst friend in the world.
10. And finally, get the hell over it
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*You Can Call Me Al begins to play*
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